I always thought I knew what I wanted my life to look like. I had somewhat of a plan, I started learning certain things to help achieve this lifestyle goal that I wanted, but at some point, I was introduced to something that was supposed to be temporary.
It was supposed to be a phase in life, before leaving it all behind and going on to live my life, the way I planed, the way I wanted.
Instead, I ended up staying where I was for 10 years. Not exactly what I had in mind. Now though, when I am out of it, I can't help but look back at these 10 years, and despite what everyone else says, that you should look forward and not back, that you should be grateful that now you can live that life you always wanted, I can't help but look back on these 10 years in frustration, in anger and sadness.
They weren't terrible 10 years, they just were not what I wanted for myself. The frustration I feel when looking back at them is mainly from being helpless, I cannot change my decisions, my choices, I cannot go back 10 years and choose another path, a path more towards what I actually wanted.
No one forced me to go down any path, it was always my choice, but sometimes I just can't help thinking where I would have been right now if I would have gone down the initial path I wanted, who I would have been, the things I would have done and seen.
There is a part of me that just feels so frustrated with the choices I have made, but there is another part that does try to look forward and be positive and optimistic.
I choose to move forward with both sides, because I feel that like this, it will be less likely that I will again choose a path other than the one I want to go down, out of my personal experience, out of already doing this in the past.