I think I usually daydream about certain situations or scenarios.
I create stories based on almost nothing.
I could meet someone, or only even see them, and then create a story in my mind about who they are, how we would connect, have conversations with them, and just make up endless stories from that one small encounter.
Otherwise, I usually think about my relationships, I try to make sense of the things that I think are not right in them. I also think about what I would be doing and where I would be if I wasn't in a relationship, I think about how my life would look.
Mainly, this thought continues in to me leaving it all behind and going on to travel the world. This particular thought takes up most of my "free-thought time", its what I think about most of all.
I think it would be very interesting if everyone would not do to others what they wouldn't want done to them.
It would be interesting to see how society, governments, and everything would be if this were the case.
For my current understanding and appreciation of my family, mainly, my mother, who for way too long didn't receive the love she deserved from me.
It is the thing I am most thankful for and the thing I am most conscience about. Knowing how things were, and how things could have been if I would have just been better, this helps me appreciate life a little bit better, and to treat it more wisely
I find the most meaning in my life through achieving goals that either bring me closer to my dreams or by doing things I believe in.
It doesn't have to be big things, it can be small things, such as being more minimalistic. I try to be a minimalist as much as I can and whenever it makes sense, so when I do something towards this kind of lifestyle, I get a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
Not chasing my dreams enough.
I know and knew the dream, and to some extent, I fought for it, for them, but at some point, without intention, it just faded and became just that, a dream, instead of my reality.
I got stuck in this sort of day-to-day life, the good old-fashioned society-type life, the exact kind of life I was trying to get away from. The kind of life I am still trying to get away from.
I still have my dreams, and I am still fighting for them, though, I admit that I am probably not fighting hard enough for them, out of fear of further regret, and a lack of courage.
But the fight does go on.
That even the people you love the most, people you have known for years and that you trust more than anyone else, can always find a way to break that trust.
This was the hardest life lesson I had to learn. It's not that I didn't know that this was a possibility or that I was living in some sort of illusion that people are perfect and that this won't happen to me, I knew it could, but there is a huge difference between knowing that it can happen and to have it actually happen.
When it happened, it taught me a lot, I understood that even though people can in fact be trusted, this trust cannot be blind trust, it must be maintained and must be nourished and guided. I learned that it's not just about the trust itself, it more than that, it's about maintaining that trust and keeping it at the level it should be, as you need it to be, and understanding what the trust actually is, the strength of it, and, what its breaking points are because everything has a breaking point.
I learned that just as everything has a breaking point, so does trust, and if you do not understand where this breaking point is, at some point, it will break without you realizing and understanding why, it will be sudden and painful. Knowing where the breaking point is will help you be ready for when it actually happens, and, it can help you prevent it from breaking in the first place.
My deepest fear has to be the fear of regret.
When I am faced with a tough choice, a choice between something that I truly want for my life, and something that I already have but would have to give up for what I truly want, I always feel an enormous sense of fear.
My mind starts racing with thoughts of regret.
I start thinking about what I currently have and that I will have to give it up, but not just that, I think about the fact that I won't have it anymore, that I won't be able to do the things I do now, I imaging all of the things that I will not have anymore. I question myself about what I will be missing from life, who will be hurt by this choice, and most importantly, what if I can't get back what I give up afterward? What if later down the line, in the future, I decide that I want to go back to what I had and it will no longer be available, what will I do then? That is the point of regret, and that is the feeling I fear most.
To imagine how people would feel who are impacted by my choice creates a traumatic fear in me that I just can seem to get past. I imagine their pain and the fact that they feel it and that I caused it. The moment these thoughts pop into my mind is the moment the fear takes over my decision-making.
When I am faced with situations with choices like this, I am filled with fear. I am filled with an uncountable number of questions all sourced from regret, all based on the question "what if?".
This has evolved from just fearing regret into fearing that situation where I fear regret. I fear fearing regret.
The ending of my relationship, which ended due to the unfaithfulness of my partner.
It was the worst phase because this was the one and only person i felt that i could truly trust. I never had someone that i felt this way with so when this happened, it was devastating, i felt lost.
A few years ago i found a way and a place to relax, to feel at ease and at peace, a place i can go to calm down from everything.
I went for a walk in a forest.
That simple.
The affect it has on me is like no other. I can spend hours there. When I'm in a bad state of mind, when things are confusing and hard, i can go there and everything will just fall in place. I am able to think properly and to better understand myself and what ever the situation is.
I go there when i want to be alone, when i need to think and understand things, to reduce stress and pressure.
