I have a difficult time sharing with others what's on my mind. Instead of sharing, I just bottle it all up until enough is accumulated and it just explodes.
Its difficult not only to put my thoughts into words, but to also get to the point where I even attempt to share them.
This makes many things in life much more difficult than they need to be, and its something that I have been struggling to change for a very long time.
Fight yourself for your dreams. Its very easy to give up and to stay where you are, in a comfortable lifestyle where everything feels safe, but your happiness is not safe, you are risking true happiness when you choose the easy path.
Just keep fighting for your dream, even when it means fighting yourself.
I believe that happiness is inside of us all, perhaps in different forms, but its still inside us.
The reason we aren't happy isn't because we don't have happiness, rather its because we look for it in the wrong places, we look outside rather than inside.
We think that only external things will make us feel happy, doing things, going places, buying things, money, friends and family, and they do of course make us feel happy, but they are not a requirement of happiness and we should not rely or depend on them for our own happiness.
I believe those things come and go, but our ability to look inside ourselves and understand what makes us truly happy is what will last.
The awkward silence when (at least I think) a girl wanted me to ask her for her number, but instead I just sat there, realizing only after what just happened and how awkward it was.
Not a first, probably not a last either.
I know that its a big leap, a huge one even, into something that is just unknown, something that is unfamiliar and risky, but i feel it may be worth it, but the leap is so big, the other side is so far a way that i don't even attempt the jump out of fear of not making it, of drowning, of not being able to get back to where i jumped from if i don't make it to the other side.
In this case, maybe smaller steps and smaller jumps are better, landing on pebbles along the way until i reach the end.
Some pebbles may not hold me, some may, but in the end i will still be heading in the right direction.
I started a very small online business.
Its been keeping me very busy, i am not making any money at the moment, I'm actually losing money (good thing i still have my job), but its a project that i was looking forward to launching for a very long time.
So even though I'm not making money and there is a lot of work, its good work that i enjoy, so its pretty exciting.
I never did well in school, not because I caused trouble or did anything wrong, I just didn't really study very well. I didn't study at all really.
I do love studying and learning, the subjects are fascinating to me, it's just the way things were done, the way the education system teaches kids, it's just not for me, it doesn't match the way I am able to learn.
But what I am proud of is that I managed to find my own way of learning. I didn't finish school with the best grades, they were all mainly failed scores, but in the end, I managed to teach myself how to learn, I personalized teaching and learning to be exactly the way I need it to be, for myself.
I managed to learn things I would normally fail in, subjects that would usually require you to go to university to get a degree in, and even found jobs in those fields.
I would try my best to keep some level of peace, though this may depend on the reason they don't approve of my partner.
In the end though, it is my life, and I may just be a different person from who my parents are and want me to be, so if my partner is my partner, then that person must have been approved by me, which is enough for me.
I don't need anyone's approval for my life choices.
I wish I would have been more outspoken, more open, and more courageous to take larger leaps into the unknown, even when it meant giving up my current lifestyle and the comfort and stability that comes with it.
I have had a habit for as long as I can remember of not speaking up when I had so much to say. Instead, I kept it all inside.
I didn't act when I knew I should have. When I felt that if I don't, I will lose another part of myself.
I kept it all inside until it burst like a balloon. The negativity that erupted from it was targeted usually towards the person closest to me and always towards myself.
This bad habit of mine has affected my life in ways that cannot be undone, in ways that require an enormous amount of mental strength to recover from, but even more to change and break the habit.
A lack of courage, and doubt.
Its very easy to stay where you are now, in the safe and stable lifestyle you have. Taking the leap towards your dreams could disrupt that lifestyle and could even completely destroy it, and then comes the doubt, the self questioning and the negative thoughts.
What if it doesn't work out? What if i want to go back to the way things were? What am i giving up?
The more focus we give those thoughts and that doubt, the more we fear taking the leap towards our dreams.
The fear, lack of courage, and doubt feed off of each other, they amplify each other and make things seem much worse than they are.
