I would change my lack of courage that has and still is preventing me from living my dream.
I can't help but also mention one more thing that I would change about myself. My fear of regret.
I have to mention this because I feel that my lack of courage and my fear of regret go hand in hand.
I lack the courage to do what I feel is correct because I feel an enormous sense of fear, a fear of regret. When I think about what consequences decisions will have on my life and others, specifically, what I am letting go of and what others are losing, I can't help but fear the regret that I could feel later on down the road if I ever decide that what I chose was wrong and that I want what I had back. Because, I may not be able to get it back, and if I did, it probably won't be the same as it was.
I lack the courage to get past this fear, I lack the courage to accept my possible regret because there will be regret in any big choice we make, any life-changing choice will eventually lead us down a road that will have at least some amount of regret. How much? We don't know. When? We don't know that either. But the road is not only filled with regret, not if the choice we made is truly what we want in life.
This is what I believe, though, I understand it's easier said than done, hence why I would change this about myself because I have not yet found a way to do it. It is a work in progress.
I would just try to be a risk taker more. I have let people walk over me and my family, missing the opportunities I could have used to escape
I would like to be more open, and to be able to explain myself better.
Since I'm a pretty closed off person, its very difficult for me to explain things about myself.
Its also very difficult for me to community in general.
This is also true when there is something that I don't agree with, a situation I think differently about, or something that I want to do that others may think weird or even stupid (sometimes, these are the best ideas though!).
Being closed off and not open makes me not speak my mind, it makes me not do the things I would prefer to do.
So that's something that i would like to change about myself.
There are some things I want to change. But if I had to choose then it would be my confidence. I was bullied for 10 years straight. I was mentally and physically abused. Not only by classmates, but also family members. That brought my confidence really to a lower level. I was/am scared to say what I really feel and think. Just because I am scared of what people would say or think. This specifically brought me in the past to some point that I kind of abused myself. I'm not going to say what I did because it's still too heavy for me to say, but what I can say is that it brought me different mental disorders. I talked to different psychologists and I'm still talking to one. I really hope it will get better. I'm sorry that I have to do it right here, but I really feel like I have no one else to talk to. Tips are always welcome by the way :)
To maintain my personality and be more assertive and bold when I talk to people.
