I wish I would have been more outspoken, more open, and more courageous to take larger leaps into the unknown, even when it meant giving up my current lifestyle and the comfort and stability that comes with it.
I have had a habit for as long as I can remember of not speaking up when I had so much to say. Instead, I kept it all inside.
I didn't act when I knew I should have. When I felt that if I don't, I will lose another part of myself.
I kept it all inside until it burst like a balloon. The negativity that erupted from it was targeted usually towards the person closest to me and always towards myself.
This bad habit of mine has affected my life in ways that cannot be undone, in ways that require an enormous amount of mental strength to recover from, but even more to change and break the habit.
I never did well in school, not because I caused trouble or did anything wrong, I just didn't really study very well. I didn't study at all really.
I do love studying and learning, the subjects are fascinating to me, it's just the way things were done, the way the education system teaches kids, it's just not for me, it doesn't match the way I am able to learn.
But what I am proud of is that I managed to find my own way of learning. I didn't finish school with the best grades, they were all mainly failed scores, but in the end, I managed to teach myself how to learn, I personalized teaching and learning to be exactly the way I need it to be, for myself.
I managed to learn things I would normally fail in, subjects that would usually require you to go to university to get a degree in, and even found jobs in those fields.
I have a difficult time sharing with others what's on my mind. Instead of sharing, I just bottle it all up until enough is accumulated and it just explodes.
Its difficult not only to put my thoughts into words, but to also get to the point where I even attempt to share them.
This makes many things in life much more difficult than they need to be, and its something that I have been struggling to change for a very long time.
I believe that happiness is inside of us all, perhaps in different forms, but its still inside us.
The reason we aren't happy isn't because we don't have happiness, rather its because we look for it in the wrong places, we look outside rather than inside.
We think that only external things will make us feel happy, doing things, going places, buying things, money, friends and family, and they do of course make us feel happy, but they are not a requirement of happiness and we should not rely or depend on them for our own happiness.
I believe those things come and go, but our ability to look inside ourselves and understand what makes us truly happy is what will last.
A lack of courage, and doubt.
Its very easy to stay where you are now, in the safe and stable lifestyle you have. Taking the leap towards your dreams could disrupt that lifestyle and could even completely destroy it, and then comes the doubt, the self questioning and the negative thoughts.
What if it doesn't work out? What if i want to go back to the way things were? What am i giving up?
The more focus we give those thoughts and that doubt, the more we fear taking the leap towards our dreams.
The fear, lack of courage, and doubt feed off of each other, they amplify each other and make things seem much worse than they are.
Fight yourself for your dreams. Its very easy to give up and to stay where you are, in a comfortable lifestyle where everything feels safe, but your happiness is not safe, you are risking true happiness when you choose the easy path.
Just keep fighting for your dream, even when it means fighting yourself.
I would try my best to keep some level of peace, though this may depend on the reason they don't approve of my partner.
In the end though, it is my life, and I may just be a different person from who my parents are and want me to be, so if my partner is my partner, then that person must have been approved by me, which is enough for me.
I don't need anyone's approval for my life choices.
I think it depends on who the person is that is cheering me up.
I think both options can work well if the right person is the one trying to cheer me up, otherwise i prefer to just be alone, preferably in nature where i can clear my mind of negativity.
It took me a while to think about an answer to this.
I suppose my answer to this must be my creativity, it has gotten me very far in life.
I personally don't consider myself that much more creative than others, but, for some reason, others seem to, and this has helped me in many ways such as getting promoted to a director position of a company after starting from the lowest position, in just a few years.
Besides work and career, it helped me understand things better, to find the creative way to learning new things (rather than learning in school or taking courses, which doesn't work for me, I found what does), and it helped solve puzzles in life that were difficult for me to understand.
Waking up in a cabin in a forest, maybe with a lake, and just being present in that solitude, working in the forest on the cabin and its projects.
Of course this perfect day would change, its just one of many different options.
