As a kid and teenager, I knew my childhood for what it was, nothing out of the ordinary.
But, when I grew up, I started learning the truth.
The truth was that everything I knew about my childhood was not real.
Everything that was really going on in my family's life was actually hidden from me to the point where I had no idea about any of it.
Even when, as a kid, I would see things I probably was not supposed to see, I didn't really think much of it.
Now though, I understand what those situations really were.
Now I understand the truth. It did take some time, but eventually, I learned what was really going on.
So to answer this question: my childhood memories.
They felt real, the life felt real, but when I was told about everything that was actually happening, things started falling into place.
I started understanding certain situations and things I saw that I didn't understand or think much of last the time, and then I realized that everything I knew about my family as a child was just not the truth, it was a story told to protect a little kid.
When we are wrong.
When we make a mistake, either in our actions or our words, people normally have a very hard time admitting it.
This is especially true when we are blamed for things. Even though it may be true and whatever happened was our fault, the moment we are blamed for it we will try to play it down as if it's not a big deal, or just straight out try and convince the other side that it is not our fault and that we are not wrong.
Some people have this worse than others. Some cannot have conversations without claiming things that are not true, and when confronted about those things, they just won't admit that they were wrong. Some will lie, some will make up stories, and some will try to change the situation in their favor, to prove that what they said is correct.
I think this is something that most of us do, as people, even if it's not on purpose, we just can't help it, we don't like being wrong.
I like to live a life that is more open to possibilities and changes.
I think that changes, as hard as they may sometimes be, can make our lives much more interesting and fuller. They can bring with them new experiences and adventures.
I guess that without even trying really, I just let things happen by themselves, and don't really plan too much ahead, if at all.
I do, however, have general big picture goals for the future, goals for which I have different plans on achieving, but these goals can be achieved in many different ways and in different locations, so the plans can always change.
I would probably work on my personal project.
Having three, mostly full days, to work on that rather than in the company I work for means that I can get a lot done on my own project!
I would still do the other things I would normally do during those days like going to the gym, but instead of working around 8 hours a day for someone else's company, I would work those 8 hours each day for my own personals goals.
When I thought that I had driven my car off the side of a mountain.
I was on a road trip and was driving over mountains, on roads with no railing, and along the way I thought to myself how bad it would be to make a mistake and drive off the road, you would just tumble down the mountain to your death.
I tried to drive extra carefully, but one pothole in the road was all that was needed to get me to lose control of the car and drift of the road.
Luckily, that portion of the road was surrounded by trees and was not as high as the rest of the way, so I didn't end up tumbling to my death.
But in the 2.5 seconds that I was heading for the cliff, I was in complete shock and thought that this could be it. When the car stopped, and I was still alive and near the road, I think all I could do was to start laughing.
That could have ended completely differently just a few moments eariler.
Awkward silence, it happens all the time.
I don't know how to handle situations properly, when someone talks to me I can freeze, give them a very quick and conversation-ending answer, and then just stand there with them in awkward silence until one of us finds a way to walk away.
It happens on a daily basis, multiple times a day.
Even though I try to come prepared, I quickly learn that I am not prepared and that maybe it's not about being prepared at all, it's just who I am.
I am not a talkative person, I don't have great people skills, and I certainly do not know how to hold a conversation properly.
When I do manage to have lengthy conversations it's usually other people who do the talking, and I just ask questions to try and show that I am actually interested in what is being said. Because most of the time, I really am interested, I just don't know how to show it properly.
The moment it's my turn to answer, to tell a story, or to just talk, I have absolutely nothing to say, I go completely blank, and I either say something that pretty much closes the conversation, or I say something strange and in a strange way.
This is how socially awkward I am.
Though it has gotten better with the years, and I learned to just not pay too much attention to it.
Basically, I accepted it, it's who I am, and while I will try to improve it, I will not stress over it also.
