Jay Michaelson @Jmm

I have tried many new things that were pretty small, I always try to do new things, life gets boring otherwise.

I have tried to have a more minimalist approach to life, for me this includes donating most of my clothes, keeping only the things I do actually wear instead of keeping the rest in my closet for no real reason.
I also got rid of quit a bit of junk, things that were just sitting in my house for no real reason. The reason was actually because I always though that I would do something with these things, but with some items that has been the case for a few years, and I never did anything with them, so I decided to just get rid of them.
The process was surprisingly calming, leveling, and really eye opening as to how much stuff I have collected and saved.
Besides the personal benefits though, I don't really have such a close connection with my clothes to the point where I would stash them in my closet for years without using them, instead of donating them to people who actually need them and will actually use them. They will benefit from them so much more than I will.

I think that's been the main new thing that I have tried.
I always try to be more mindful, to meditate, but these things are really not consistent unfortunately, I usually am able to keep it up for a few weeks and then get back into the old habits, but I still try.

I believe I would take it.
To have the option to live countless lifetimes? This may be a cheat, but I'm sure that in the future at some point there would be a "cure" or a way to reverse it, so if I would choose to stop being immortal, I probably could, but again, this may be cheating the purpose of this question.

I think I would choose to take it, I am fascinated by what the future holds, the future that is far after my time on this planet. I think that many of the questions about the past could and will be answered in the future, to know them and to also live in the future, whatever it will be if it will be aliens, a new planet, whatever, is something that I would choose to take this opportunity.

I'm sure this would come with some (or much) torture as well since I would be outliving all of the people I care about (though if I am immortal, why can't others be also?). I'm sure there are other negative points about this, there must be as being immortal means also living through so much.

You also have the opportunity to do a lot of good that others, non-immortals can't do (since they would probably die).

So, I think I would take the opportunity.

I think i haven't been enabling myself to do them, and i feel its due to fear of losing what i currently have.
If i leave and do the things i want to do it will involve leaving behind most of what i currently have, and when i think about all the things i want to do, it feels worth it, but when i think about what i actually have and about leaving it, i instantly turn around and say to myself that it just may not be worth losing it all..

On one hand when i think about all the things i want to do, i feel i need to leave, but on the other hand when i get close to leaving i think about all i do have and want to stay.

I feel a fear of possible regret, that if i do leave to do the things i can only dream about now, and eventually find out that they aren't what i thought they would be for me, i would have left everything i do care about behind, but i also feel that i cannot continue with what i have now while always feel like i want and need to leave.

There is a lot of back and forth, fear, and a serious lack of courage.

I don't know if i can consider it a mistake as much as a weakness, but the lack of courage in life may has caused me to make many mistakes, with the main one being time spent not living my dream, even though i had every single option to do so.

I consider it a mistake that i did not focus more on developing courage. Looking back though, i may have not even known that a lack of courage was the issue, but now i believe that it is, i didn't have the courage to do what i felt was right.

I learned that, for me, its the hardest thing to let go, and that without the courage to do so, i won't, and this is what happened for years, and throughout all of these years i put myself on hold in a way.
I learned that, at least for me in my experience, until you find that courage that you need to do what you believe is right, the "it gets better" is only partially true.

It did get better, but the dream life never left my heart, so i was torn between that life and the life i was actually living, and it was visible in many ways, throughout these years i was distant with the people closest to me, had no patience most of the time, i got mad and angry easily, lacked basic motivation, and a long list of other things.

These things may have defined me for the past few years, but they are not who i am.
The pulling in both directions, living my dream life and not having courage to leave my current life, brought out the worst in me.

So what i have learned is that you must find the courage to do the things you want to do in life, to live the life you want, you must find the courage to say what you feel and make the choices you know or feel are the right ones, rather than not doing so because of fear.

Life without courage can change you for the worst, it turned me into someone i am not.

I don't think that I ask enough questions.
There are so many things that I would like to understand and know more about, and while I do think about these things and even the questions I would ask, many times I just find it difficult to ask because I can't always put the question into words, I don't always know how to ask the question, or, I don't always find the time to invest in asking the question and learning the answer.
Sometimes also, depending on what is at question, I may be too intimidated to ask it.

But overall I almost always have more to ask, I just don't always actually do it.
So I do not ask enough questions, but I also do not settle for what I know, because I will continue to think about these things after, and maybe at some point in the future I will ask the questions I did not ask in the past.

When I notice people looking at me.
It automatically gives me a feeling as if people are talking about me in a negative way behind my back, just in this case its looking at me instead of talking. Though, if they are in a group and even one person is looking at me in the group, I will think that maybe they are talking about me.

I cant help it, it just automatically happens, it makes me want to just leave or disappear. Its especially bad if I was planning on talking to the person for what ever reason, but obviously I don't do that once this happens.

I tell myself that its probably just my imagination and that its not really like that, but something in me just doesn't let that feeling go, and then I actually do get awkward next to them and actually do give them something to talk about or a reason look at me strangely, because I feel very uneasy and overwhelmed, very anxious in these situations.